Funny Quotes the 150 that will make you laugh and think - wishesdb

According to several studies, there is a very close link between humor and intelligence. In fact, understanding a joke seems to require an important effort to the brain and requires a certain mental elasticity.

It is no coincidence that many famous aphorists in history have produced numerous funny phrases that highlight their intelligence and creative flair.

Here is a nice collection of the most beautiful funny phrases written and pronounced by great historical figures, entertainment and literature. Discover them now!

Very short funny quotes about life

1. “Create your own myths; that is how the gods got started.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

2. “Many would be cowards if they had the courage.” – Thomas Fuller

3. “Trust in God, but lock your car.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

4. “To err is human; blaming another is even more so.” – Arthur Bloch

5. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen

6. “Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork?” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

7. “Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.” – Oscar Wilde

8. “Youth is wasted in the hands of young people.” – George Bernard Shaw

9. “Trust everyone, but cut the cards.” – Finley Peter Dunne

10. “Enjoy your life. There is a lot of time to be dead.” – Hans Christian Andersen

11. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

12. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

13. “Art is about making something out of nothing, and then selling it.” – Frank Zappa

14. “I can resist anything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

15. “I would like to die on Mars. But not in the impact.” – Elon Musk

16. “If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marr.” – Anton Chekhov

17. “Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.” – Marcel Achard

18. “There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw

19. “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” – WC Fields

20. “Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong love affair.” – Oscar Wilde

21. “All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

22. “Work is the refuge of those who have nothing better to do.” – Oscar Wilde

23. “Happiness is not found in money, but in spending it.” – Marilyn Monroe

24. “I prefer heaven for the climate, hell for the company.” – Mark Twain

25. “I’m not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

26. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can resist it.” – Mae West

27. “True courage is being brave just when you are not.” – Jules Renard

28. “Always forgive your enemies. Nothing angers them more.” – Oscar Wilde

short funny quotes

1. “I think that God, in creating man, somehow overestimated his abilities.” – Oscar Wilde

2. “Even if you give a cow a drink of cocoa you will not milk chocolate.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

3. “I am free from any prejudice. I hate everyone indiscriminately.” – WC Fields

4. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate, every now and then, doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

5. “Don’t talk about yourself. Others will already do it when you are gone.” – Wilson Mizner

6. “I’m so smart that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.”

7. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” – Groucho Marx

8. “Morality is nothing more than an attitude we adopt towards those we dislike.” – Oscar Wilde

9. “Admiration: Our gracious admission that another person looks like us.” – Ambrose Bierce

10. “Politicians and diapers need to be changed often, and for the same reason.” – Mark Twain

11. “God is dead. Marx is dead. And I don’t feel so well myself.” – Eugène Ionesco

12. “Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” – George Bernard Shaw

13. “The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

14. “If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” – Dorothy Parker

15. “Politics are too serious a matter to be left to politicians.” – Charles De Gaulle

16. “The husbands of women we like are always idiots.” – Georges Feydeau

17. “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before being tired.” – Jules Renard

18. “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

19. “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski

20. “The difference between a genius and a fool is that genius has limits.” – Albert Einstein

21. “I’ve always said that shopping costs less than a psychiatrist.” – Tammy Faye Bakker

22. “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.” – Winston Churchill

23. “People either love me or hate me, or they don’t care about me at all.” – Banksy

24. “Whoever laughs last hasn’t heard the bad news yet.” – Bertolt Brecht

25. “I couldn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approve of it.” – Mark Twain

26. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who bother me.” – Fred Allen

27. “Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.” – Groucho Marx

28. “If you help a friend in need, they won’t forget you the next time they need it.” – Arthur Bloch

Funny Friendship Quotes – The 67 most beautiful and witty

29. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

30. “A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.” – Elbert Hubbard

31. “The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you can’t do.” – Walter Bagehot

32. “Only superficial people do not judge by appearances.” – Oscar Wilde

33. “It is impossible to enjoy idleness without having a lot of work to do.”

34. “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.” – Woody Allen

35. “I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.” – Oscar Wilde

36. “Give a woman the right shoes and she will conquer the world.” – Marylin Monroe

37. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

38. “Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.” – Oscar Wilde

funny quotes on life

1. “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers

2. “The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.” – Winston Churchill

3. “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain

4. “To pass for an idiot in the eyes of an imbecile is the pleasure of a very fine gourmet.” – Georges Courteline

5. “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” – George Bernard Shaw

6. “There is a fine line that separates the genius from the mad: I have erased that line.” – Oscar Levant

7. “If you could kick the butt of the person responsible for most of your problems, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month.” – Theodore Roosevelt

8. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect to have them back.” – Oscar Wilde

9. “I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.” – Jane Austen

10. “There are two ways to be right when arguing with a woman, but neither of them works.” – Will Rogers

11. “The privilege of feeling at home everywhere belongs only to kings, whores and thieves.” – Honoré de Balzac

12. “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” – George Bernard Shaw

13. “Never argue with an idiot, he drags you to his level and beats you with experience.” – Oscar Wilde – Attributed

14. “If a man is always smiling, he is probably selling something that doesn’t work.” – George Carlin

15. “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.” – Phyllis Diller

16. “A lie has time to travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.” – Charles Spurgeon

17. “By working hard eight hours a day you could become the boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

18. “The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.” – George Bernard Shaw

19. “The clearest evidence that other intelligent life forms exist in the Universe is that none of them have ever tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

20. “Do you have enemies? Well. This means that you have fought for something at times in your life.” – Winston Churchill

21. “There are moments when everything goes well; don’t be frightened, it won’t last.” – Jules Renard

22. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” – Gertrude Stein

23. “There are two reasons for reading a book: the first is that you can enjoy it; the other is that you can boast that you have read it.” – Bertrand Russell

24. “The one who smiles when things go wrong has already found someone to blame.” – Arthur Bloch

25. “I like work, it completely fascinates me; I could sit for hours and hours watching someone work.” – Jerome K. Jerome

funny quotes and sayings

1. “Patriotism is, fundamentally, a conviction that a particular country is the best in the world because you were born in it.” – George Bernard Shaw

2. “For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.” – Henry Louis Mencken

3. “I’ve spent most of my money on gambling, alcohol, and crazy women. The rest I squandered.” – WC Fields

4. “The bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella when the weather is nice and ask for it back when it starts raining.” – Georges Bernard Shaw

5. “Those who know how to listen are not only nice to everyone, but after a while they end up learning something.” – Wilson Mizner

6. “An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.” – Laurence J. Peter

Good Morning Funny Quotes

7. “Failures fall into two categories: those who acted without thinking and those who thought without acting.” – John Charles Salak

8. “There are things worse than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurer?” – Woody Allen

9. “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” – Groucho Marx

10. “Books were once written by men of letters and read by the public. Today books are written by the public and read by no one.” – Oscar Wilde

11. “The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi

12. “Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.” – George Bernard Shaw

13. “Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.” – Paul Valéry

14. “There are deceptions so well thought out that it would be stupid not to fall for them.” – Charles Caleb Colton

15. “If we all confessed our sins to each other, we would surely laugh at our total lack of originality.” – Kahlil Gibran

16. “I like pigs. Dogs look at us from the bottom up. Cats look at us from top to bottom. Pigs treat us as equals.” – Winston Churchill

17. “I find television to be very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go to another room to read a book.” – Groucho Marx

18. “A politician … one who would be able to deceive even God.” – William Shakespeare

19. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

20. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” – James Branch Cabell

21. “An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.” – Henry Louis Mencken

22. “Three things come with age. The first is that you lose your memory, the other two I don’t remember.” – Norman Wisdom

23. “Politics is the art of looking for a problem, finding it, misinterpreting it, and then misapplying the wrong remedy.” – Groucho Marx

24. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein

25. “Every time I appoint someone to a vacant position, I make a hundred unhappy and one ungrateful.” – Louis XIV

Funny Quotes About Wife

1. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Philip of Edinburgh

2. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” – Herbert V. Prochnow

3. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

4. “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” – John Wilmot

5. “If a man opens the car door to his wife, either the car is new or the wife is new.”

6. “A man, if I may believe a friend of mine, always has two characters: his own, and what his wife attributes to him.”

7. “Behind every man of success there is a woman , and behind her his wife .”

8. “The wife , the gun , the dog do not lend themselves to anyone.”

9. “Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.”

10. “The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.”

11. “A lover is a wine in a bottle, a wife is a bottle of wine .”

Funny Good Morning Messages, Wishes

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